


Horse Talk

by Lbilover



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:19:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9467075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lbilover/pseuds/Lbilover
Summary: Bilbo needs to learn a new language.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the 2012 B2MeM Bingo prompts 'Eligible Bachelor Baggins: Learns Another Language' and 'Beasty Bingo: Horse'. Completely inspired by the animated gif that accompanies the story.

[](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v368/biinfc/Animated%20Gifs/?action=view&current=tumblr_lydjrekO2F1qmm8t3o1_500.gif)

'My dear Mr. Baggins,' exclaimed Gandalf. 'I have seen some unskillful riders in my time, but you take the prize.'

Bilbo blushed, but said, 'We Bagginses have never gone in for ponies much. Walking is more in our line, don't you know.'

'That's clear,' said Thorin, and the other Dwarves laughed, all save for Balin, who rather liked the hobbit.

'And he keeps tossing his head,' Bilbo complained, 'and hitting me in the face with his mane.'

'Because you're annoying him with that constant jouncing on his back and jabbing on his mouth. Do lower your hands and hold the reins right way round.'

Bilbo obeyed, but said, 'How do you know that? Did he tell you?'

'Of course.' The wizard's eyes glinted.

'Oh, he did, did he?' Bilbo raised a skeptical eyebrow. 

'Simply because you don't understand the language of horses,' Gandalf said, 'doesn't mean they don't talk. I may not have my colleague Radagast's talent for communicating with birds and other wild beasts, but horses are rather a specialty of mine.'

'Horses have a language?'

'Obviously. All animals do, even if it is incomprehensible to _you_.'

'Well then, whath ith he thaying?' Bilbo lisped the last few words for the pony tossed his head again and his long coarse flaxen mane landed squarely in the hobbit's mouth. He hurriedly spat it out. Horsehair was not tasty, and put him in mind of a musty old sofa in the Old Took's library at Great Smials.

'That you sit like a sack of potatoes and you're stiff as a board.' The Dwarves sniggered into their beards (all except Balin, that is) and Bilbo blushed again.

But he also felt compelled to protest. 'One can't be both a sack of potatoes and a board at the same time,' he objected.

'Perhaps not, but you, my dear Mr. Baggins, indubitably are.'

The pony neighed, and while he might not understand horse talk, Bilbo was certain the animal was corroborating what Gandalf had said. And as he was a kind-hearted hobbit, Bilbo actually felt bad for being such an incompetent rider.

'I am sorry,' he said to the pony, and awkwardly leaned forward to pat its shaggy neck. 'I shall do my best in future not to sit like either a sack of potatoes or a board.' The pony neighed again and jingled his bit. 'Or jab at your mouth.' 

'Very good,' approved Gandalf. 'You are learning. We'll make a horseback rider of you yet.'

Bilbo couldn't say that it was a particular ambition of his to become a horseback rider, or a rider of anything else for that matter, any more than it was to be a burglar. But he had a feeling it didn't matter what he wanted, so he simply shrugged, set his heels to the pony's sides (being very careful not to jab it in the mouth as he did) and rode on.


End file.
